pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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