you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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