you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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