Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I will pee on everything he values.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
