I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize