I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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