i love accidental penises.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
