so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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