guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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