i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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