Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
