how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
