ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
