I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
being pregnant is like rehab
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
