I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
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It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize