; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
