yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
