dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
