walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
