It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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