My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
