What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
