I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
