I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
