how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
