alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
