you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
