I've blown a few things in my day
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
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I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
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I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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