boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
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Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
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You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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