dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
we're making bets on your personal life
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
