I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
