Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
