My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
