Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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