Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
