So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
