Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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