Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
