You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
