You made me cry and you don't even care
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
