Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
