STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
