Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
