And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
