btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
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Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
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Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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