you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
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I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
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Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Let's get the cat blown out
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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