so explain again why im purple
no
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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