You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
