Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
