I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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