he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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