so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
