best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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