We're facebook friends in real life
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
