How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
