I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i now understand why vodka
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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