he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
