chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
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I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
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Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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