some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
