so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
In America we eat man semen.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
