well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
