You can't motorboat a personality
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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