So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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