I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
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We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
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Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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