Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
